So You Want To Date My Teenage Daughter?

My daughter turns 16 today she is a wonderful, intelligent, smart young lady.  The thoughts that she may begin dating 4-5 years from now is very disturbing to me.  Therefore, in preparation for this day, I am now a “card-carrying” member of the above group and have put together the following guidelines for any suitor that may come knocking on my front door.

Approval Process

  • If you think you will be escorting my daughter anywhere without first asking permission, going through the interview process, being fingerprinted, police checked and having a GPS placed in your forehead.  Thou art a fool and should keep moving.
  • Remember, I know Jesus personally and I can arrange for a personal introduction if you get out of line.

Thou Shalt Not Stay In Thy Car and Text For My Child

  • First of all, she cannot get across the moat unless I let down the drawbridge.
  • If thou texteth thou shalt have me coming to thy car not my daughter.
  • Thou must come into my domain to get the results of the previous weeks drug test.
  • All essays are due before any dating will happen.
  • Topics includeth, “What purity means to me.”, “Why abstinence will save my life.” and “What my educational future holds.”

Thou Must Spend Time With Her Sibling

  • He is our spy, enough said.

Thou Shalt Spend Time With Her Mother And Me

  • As they say, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

Thou Shalt Not Be In My House Alone

  • If thou cometh home and the house is empty, stay on the steps until someone else cometh.  If this happens in winter thou art allowed to make thyself a hot beverage and then thou must returneth to the steps.

Thou Shalt Not Occupy All My Daughter’s  Time 

  • Despite what thy mother told thee, the world does not revolve around thee nor does the sun shine out of thee.
  • My daughter shall a spend a significant amount of time away from you and with her friends.  They will remainth long after thou has been kicketh to the curbeth.

Death Is The Only Legitimate Reason For Being Late

  • Certificate of expiration must be supplied within 24 hours.

Do you have any rules you would like to add?  Help me write another post.

If you think I am tough check out this post from “Stuff Fundies Like”.

Dating Rules for Crown College

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51 Responses to So You Want To Date My Teenage Daughter?

  1. Wendy Martin says:

    Well Done Peter! We always keep a shovel by the front door and when the “date” comes to the door to request the presence of our daughter, we show him the shovel and kindly say ” this will dig the hole in our backyard to throw your body into if you even so much as touch her” (place laugh track here). But I really like your version better!

  2. Wendy,
    I remember being on vacation in North Carolina and our friends daughter had a date and Jay and I took out a baseball bat and hockey stick to meet him. However, before he showed up the ladies made us put it away:)

    Love your idea about the shovel, I think I will get one with the threat sandblasted on it and make him take it with him everything they go out!!!!!!

    • Cheryl R. Cheong says:

      Oh thank you my precious Father in Heaven that I do not have any eligible sons then I don’t have to worry if they would come home alive after. :):) I only have 3 sons Pastor Peter, but I taught them well. God has blessed 2 of them with wonderful wives. Still praying for the 3rd one. (smile). 16 years old. Wow. Time surely flies. You don’t need all of those “10 commendments” (laugh) all you need is the “Blood” and Michael with the flaming sword. Make sure that the Lord keeps their eyes open that when they look at her all they see is the “Blood” covering her and Michael standing guard. That shoud keep them straight. How are you? How is Sarah? Long time no see. I sincerely hope all is well apart from the DADD. (LOL LOL LOl. Welcome to Fatherhood. LOL

      Love you guys. Take good care.

  3. ruth chilco says:

    Hilarious!!!!! I just wonder what the rules were for you … as the ‘guy’ in those same said rules!?!?!?! (and you were BLACK too!!!!! lol)

  4. Sean says:

    Nice work Peter
    I shared your blog with a friend of mine that is dealing with very early boyfriend issues. I believe she’s only 9 or 10 and thank god it’s only at the he asked me to be his girlfriend stage. Her father is freaking out and she feels overwhelmed. I’ll let you know her thoughts if she doesn’t comment herself. When she see’s how old your daughter is and the years to come before dating it should be interesting.
    All the best

  5. Tony Baker says:

    Go for it Peter, I just love it! You gotta be a big protective papa and look after that precious child that God has given you.

  6. Brian Robson says:

    Great post, Peter. I will adopt very similar rules in about 10 years when my 11 year old begins to consider dating:)

  7. Aggie says:

    Love it!!! I was the one who tore her hair out when my girls started dating since I was a single parent. I told them they were not allowed to date till they were 45. But when they started dating I got to know their dates and if I didn’t approve they soon found that out. They have chosen very wisely and I now have the best son-in law and the best to be son-in-law(next summer) in the world. They also know that I would hurt them very badly if they hurt my girls and they believe what I say. Trust what you have taught her and let God do the rest.

  8. Lisa says:

    I have two sons, 21 and 18 and I feel the same about some of the girls they see. Some girls these days dress like hochie mamas and it looks tacky. I would like to just slap my boys sometimes for being blinded by the way they dress, don’t get me wrong, its not all of them, just some i’ve seen around them. I don’t think their parents would like to see them like that.

  9. Kammy says:

    Peter…I just love it. Mark and I feel the same….he wishes he could do a police check on some of the boys that seem to be interested in our daughter. When she was a baby, he always said he’d interigate them before they could even think about asking her out. Wish we could attach a “nanny camera” to our daughter to see all at all times, but I think she’d object:(

  10. dean canning says:

    Well fine, I won’t date your daughter… happy..

  11. Dave Randell says:

    Peter, I have an 18 year old daughter, and let still want to join Daddys. Great post.

  12. Hillery Quehe says:

    These rules of yours are very amusing Peter, I split one side laughing, but the other side felt your pain. I have a 16 yr old Daughter as well, and the difference is that Jessica has not entered into my way of thinking, (“you shouldn’t date til your 20”)..she thinks the time is now…which..you know how I feel..so, what really interests me, and maybe you could assist me, is; where do I buy one of those T-shirts?
    Great page my Friend, thanks for the invite.

  13. Frances Jackson says:

    Hi Peter, lol Good post!
    Let me just add that her date must always be polite
    Bring your daughter flowers etc like chocolates special occasions
    Not be cheap and make sure he has enough money to take her
    Out on a nice date and not just McDonald’s !!! Must be clean no ragitty pants falling
    Down to his knees. Must be polite by saying please and thank you and open and close the doors
    For your daughter! As well as eat properly with his utensils and not with his fingers he must be a born again Christian and treat his own mother with love and respect. Because the way he treats his mother will show how he will treat your daughter. He must be athletic and not lazy playing Xbox games but attend church as much as your family does.
    Both your daughter and her date must be escorted or be around other youth to avoid any temptation that may arise…
    Just a few thoughts lol, hopefully I can think of more later!
    Thanks for letting me join this net work
    God bless
    Frances Jackson

  14. dean brenton says:

    Love it! I’d like to start DADD chapter in my area too!

  15. Heather says:

    Agreed, some young men need to understand the process, it’d be nice if a boys parents taught him how to treat a girl! I guess the same goes for girls! Nice work!

  16. Gladson Thomas says:

    Great Work P-DUBYA…. I am glad Kristofer is only 7…… Blessings my Friend !! !! !! You and Sarah have done an awesome job raising a great young man and an amazing young lady. Lot to be proud and thankful for…. Continue to be Blessed and be a Blessing !! !! !!

    Excellent BLOG sir !! !! !!

  17. Glen Beard says:

    Wonderful! I just hope you’ve been working out in case the guy is bigger than you are! I remember meeting Cathy’s Dad for the first time. I was this 19 year-old hippie with hair to my shoulders and a guitar in my hand, strumming on her front porch. Out came this trucker named Mr. Hodge who looked like Hulk Hogan! I seriously contemplated a hasty departure!

  18. Jerome says:

    Well first of all I am having a hard time believing that she is already 16. WoW!!! but then again when I think of my boy’s age I can see that possibility. This is a great post an I am looking forward to future post.

    I remember when I went through this age period with my daughter I convinced her that I have a shot gun in the addict I and was willing to retrieve it at will.

    However as someone else posted, be encouraged that you have taught her well and God will carry her the rest of the way.

    I also would be in prayer for wisdom for both you and your daughter.

    Warm Regards

    Brother Jerome

  19. Joan Hoskins says:

    Well done, Peter, we don’t have any daughters but even though it is funny, there is a message here and it needs to get out there. You really can’t be too protective now. I hope that you seek for God’s guidance regarding your daughter and how you should treat the ones who do come calling to take her out. So nice to hear from you!! Blessings!!

  20. John Mercer says:

    Way-da-go, Peter! Very funny, but your sincerity and love for Kenya shines through the irony.

  21. Martin says:

    This is awesome!

  22. Matthew Fretz says:

    You know I know about this stuff! There is no small amount of pleasure watching the boys squirm 🙂

    You’re going to have so much to write about, have fun!

  23. Chris Sutton says:

    When my older daughter was four I met someone who told me what her father did. He gave her a coin and told her to give that coin and her home telephone number to any young man who wanted to touch her inappropriately, telling him, “If my dad says yes, then I say “yes!” It worked every time for her and her dad. Every single guy wised up. It was cheap too. Think of how much we spend on mobile phones today just in case. She still has that coin.

  24. Darren and Lorraine says:

    We loved this Peter…I actually read it out to my 17 year old. lol You must be an amazing Dad she is so blessed!!!

  25. Melanie says:

    My dad told my sister resently that he’ll always think of us as his girls, I totally get this. Having watched the movie ‘Courageous’, I believe that a Daddy has a part in his daughter’s virtue. As for the t-shirt, LOVE IT. If that doesn’t work, a baseball bat woud also do the trick.

    A note to your daughter: Having been a 16 year old girl once before- be proud of your parent’s protection.

    God Bless

  26. LOL!!!! Great jobeth Pierre!!! Kenya will thank you one… I thinketh!!!

  27. Rodger Ludlow says:

    I only wish that I had encountered a few fathers like this when I was in the dating game 35 years ago….I most likely wouldn’t have made the mistakes I did….and I even always went to the door because text was a literature bookin school. Glad I don’t have any daughters.

  28. sherry hounsell-meade says:

    Peter;
    I really enjoyed this! I wish my daughters followed this philosophy and left the interesting young fellows alone…..Wait it is me who needs to share this philosophy! I will keep the bat by the door along with the Questionaire! And a direct line to you!

  29. Clarence & Rhoda says:

    Way to go Peter, Kenya is too precious for you not to take this kind of action. Kenya this tells me the love your parents has for you and why Dad is trying to send such a message….this is so needed.
    GOD BLESS you all.

  30. Peter enjoyed it very much! My oldest is turning 18, and he is one of thus said boys in your post….but he is a good kid and his girlfriends dad had a similiar talk with him. His mother and I approved of course, nothing like a little fear upfront to set the boundaries of the relationship. They have been dating for over a year and both really love Jesus and follow pretty much every guideline you have humorously stated. My daughter however just turned 14 and somehow as a dad, I think it is going to be a whole new ball game….
    Saw a shirt in Michigan a few months ago that is appropriate: Guns don’t kill people. Dads with pretty daughters do.

  31. Samantha says:

    Too funny Pete,
    think I’ll show it to my daughter. haha Thanks for the link.

  32. Vonda says:

    As a mother of a 17 year old boy I enjoy your perspective. An introduction may be in order! 🙂

  33. Trish says:

    Oh Peter: Thank you I so needed to laugh 🙂

  34. Mildred Bungay says:

    Hi Peter, You are a good father and Kenya knows that and she will do the right things, but I know your concern. You’ll both come through the teenage years with flying colors.

  35. Lorna mcdonald says:

    How’s your memory????
    Would you have passed the test? Haha
    Enjoyed this!!

  36. Jessica says:

    Lol you should include mothers as well as dads. Cuz I expect the same from my daughters bfs and would expect my son to respect a girl just as he would want someone to respect his sister and mother!! Good job of putting the dating expectations and guidelines into words on paper. Lol this way there’s no misteak of what is necessary to be a part of our daughters life even if she only tolerates them for a day. Lol

  37. Sharri (Neal) Cudahy says:

    Hi Peter,
    My daughter has just turned 16, and although there is no serious relationships going on (to our knowledge), that’s not to say she not thinking about it. She too is a beautiful, intelligent, witty and self-sufficient child and all of these qualities make us extremely proud. We have the discussed “the day” when things begin to change and she is aware of our expectations. Her father has a bat in the front hall closet… just in case, but I think the prospect should be forewarned that the girl does not put up with any “crap” and she will deal with him …. shall we say ‘appropriately’ at the time, should he even think to cross the line 🙂
    I have a feeling we, as her parents, won’t need to say much, because we may not get the chance.
    Take care my friend, and by the way, I love the rules. They were great!

  38. Michele says:

    LOL. Well done!! I will pass it on. 🙂

  39. Saj McKenley says:

    Okay, so I finally figured out how to follow you after all this time! I was having trouble doing this on my iPhone, so I had to sign in using the desktop. Anyhow, great posts Peter and look forward to reading more…but I gotta say this one in particular was quite funny, haha, I’ll remember this!

  40. Peter Osmond says:

    Pete’

    i think this is great! I have a few years yet as my daughter just turned 12, but some very good tips. i like the following: You need to understand that if you touch my daughter, I don’t mind going back to jail. siad with wild eyes and flaring nostrils.

    Have a great day!
    Pete

  41. famillede6 says:

    I am thinking I commented on this last year, but since my baby just turned 16 today, it is good to read it again now!

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