My daughter turns 16 today she is a wonderful, intelligent, smart young lady. The thoughts that she may begin dating 4-5 years from now is very disturbing to me. Therefore, in preparation for this day, I am now a “card-carrying” member of the above group and have put together the following guidelines for any suitor that may come knocking on my front door.
- If you think you will be escorting my daughter anywhere without first asking permission, going through the interview process, being fingerprinted, police checked and having a GPS placed in your forehead. Thou art a fool and should keep moving.
- Remember, I know Jesus personally and I can arrange for a personal introduction if you get out of line.
Thou Shalt Not Stay In Thy Car and Text For My Child
- First of all, she cannot get across the moat unless I let down the drawbridge.
- If thou texteth thou shalt have me coming to thy car not my daughter.
- Thou must come into my domain to get the results of the previous weeks drug test.
- All essays are due before any dating will happen.
- Topics includeth, “What purity means to me.”, “Why abstinence will save my life.” and “What my educational future holds.”
Thou Must Spend Time With Her Sibling
- He is our spy, enough said.
Thou Shalt Spend Time With Her Mother And Me
- As they say, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”
Thou Shalt Not Be In My House Alone
- If thou cometh home and the house is empty, stay on the steps until someone else cometh. If this happens in winter thou art allowed to make thyself a hot beverage and then thou must returneth to the steps.
Thou Shalt Not Occupy All My Daughter’s Time
- Despite what thy mother told thee, the world does not revolve around thee nor does the sun shine out of thee.
- My daughter shall a spend a significant amount of time away from you and with her friends. They will remainth long after thou has been kicketh to the curbeth.
Death Is The Only Legitimate Reason For Being Late
- Certificate of expiration must be supplied within 24 hours.
Do you have any rules you would like to add? Help me write another post.
If you think I am tough check out this post from “Stuff Fundies Like”.